Tag: love

When I felt like I was losing myself — and found something deeper

Published on by Alethea AwukuLeave a comment

Somewhere between the third load of laundry and the fourth spilled cup of juice on the carpet, I walked into the toilet, looked in the mirror and wondered — What is this, and where did I go?

I’m a wife. A mother to three precious souls. A homemaker. A nurturer. A giver. And I love them — fiercely. Yet it doesn’t always keep away the quiet ache, a whisper I can’t quite ignore; I miss me.

It’s not that I want to run away from this life. It’s that sometimes I wonder if I’ve been swallowed up by it.

There was a time not long ago when I felt so seen. I ran a small stationery business — The Echoes of Her Heart. It was more than paper and pretty things. It was a ministry. A space where I could pour encouragement into the hearts of Christian women through words and beauty and intentional design. It gave me a voice. It gave others hope. And in it, I felt purposeful — like I was doing something that mattered beyond my four walls.

Closing that chapter wasn’t easy. I let it go slowly, with tears and prayers, not because it stopped meaning something — but because God was shifting the season. He was calling me inward, deeper into the quiet, deeply incredible work of motherhood and building up my home. And honestly? That surrender and shift felt a little like death.

I used to feel independent. Now I ask permission just to go to the bathroom alone.

I used to feel accomplished. Now my victories are things no one sees: a meltdown calmed, a sibling fight diffused, a meal made from what looked like an empty fridge.

The world doesn’t clap for these things. And sometimes, honestly, neither do I.

But also, somewhere in the quiet, I hear a different voice — not my own, and not the world’s.

“Whoever loses their life for My sake will find it.”
— Matthew 10:39

Could it be… that what feels like losing myself is actually where I’m being found?

Not in the platforms I once held, but in the hands and hearts I now hold every day.
Not in being known, but in being faithful, loving, kind, and generous with my life in a different way.
Not in independence, but in total, daily dependence on the grace and strength of God.

I’m learning that letting go of The Echoes of Her Heart wasn’t the end of my purpose — it was a redirection. A reminder that my identity isn’t in what I produce, and not even in motherhood, but in Who holds me. And that ministry doesn’t end just because the form changes. Sometimes it just moves to the kitchen floor, the bedtime story, the sweet hugs and pecks from my sons.

This season asks more of me than I ever thought I had to give. But it’s also giving me something back — a deeper love, a stronger faith, a truer sense of self.

So no, I don’t think that I’ve lost myself in motherhood.

I’m being refined and re-defined.

Not erased. Rewritten.
Not emptied. Poured out — and filled with something better than I ever planned.

And maybe, just maybe, the version of me I’m becoming is closer to who I was made to be all along.

Why Graced for Home?

Published on by Alethea AwukuLeave a comment

I, like many women had only one goal in mind as I grew up. Work hard to be competitive in the market place. The best in my field. Get that competitive edge so that I could stand out and land the high paying job with an incredible benefits package. I knew that I wanted to become a mother one day because it was the other natural path that I desired but my entire focus was on career and making money. I was and still am an ambitious, and highly capable and productive woman with several dreams and abilities.

However things started to change for me when I left my first very good corporate job to work part time for my church at that time. I was newly married and I realised that a huge part of me also had a heart for home. I am incredibly passionate about building with my own tribe, having time to intentionally create a life of joy, adventure and success according to what it means to our unique family. I wanted to learn how to be this way.

That’s also when I felt the tension between the two. Seasonally, I came to realise that I couldn’t have the two at the same time. Yet the pull for home became intensely strong when I had my first son. Seeing that new life that my husband and I co created shifted my perspective on life and motherhood entirely.

“Choosing to walk confidently in Gods design requires a step of faith- a step away from the marketplace of activities and into the mummy place of the home, which is filled with beauty, love, creativity, purpose and peace”. Sally Clarkson

Yet I also realised that I naturally was entering into motherhood with so much insecurity, fear and confusion regarding my personal role and ability. I wasn’t confident in so many areas, and yet I still had a strong heart to be based from home with my child and now children.

The desire for this blog really is to;

  • Document my personal journey as a Christian woman and mother
  • To document and encourage others on the journey of raising boys
  • I have truly felt afraid to lean into this new version of myself because in alot of ways it confirms the new journey that I am on and I have never considered myself living this- and putting it out there for the world to see. I still coming to terms with a lot of things everyday! Yet I have accepted that this is the most authentic way that I-Alethea can express myself. This is what God has given to me and I am compelled towards it. Especially as I desire to teach my children to keep their hearts open to who God has called them to be and lean into their natural gifts. I have to model this and can’t run away from it.
  • It is making me a better mother.
  • To encourage Christian mothers, and specifically stay at home mothers that we can absolutely do this and grow in confidence managing the home, loving and nurturing our children, and discovering new things within ourselves- our skills etc and still thrive beautifully as individuals. Staying at home does not have to be filled with insecurities.
  • Share my journey of home education and encouraging mothers in this area too, sharing some resources that I make for my children to learn with.

I hope you’ll journey along with me x

A vision for home

Published on by Alethea Awuku1 Comment

A place for belonging and becoming is important to this mama. Where hearts find a home to discover, test their limits, dream and hope. Home is base. The place intentionally and carefully built to serve us all. A place of refuge when we need shelter and protection from the harsh winds of the outside world, a safe launching pad that encourages us to try, to take the steps needed to develop skills and ideas, and the heartbeat of all things discipleship, training and refining.

When I think about my home, I envision warmth. Sacred and natural deeply rooted rhythms and traditions that have been intentionally repeated so much that they lead our days into an ever deeper connection with each other, the world around us and God. To build deep, strong foundations takes time and considerable effort. To establish, set in, and anchor hearts to all that is good and wonderful takes a mighty work of the Holy Spirit to come alongside my daily efforts.

How I long for my boys to know the powerful, soul grounding witness of the Lord in their hearts! It is my prayer for them daily. My hope and desire is that our home will be a place where miracles upon miracles are witnessed in all of our lives. May it stand as a monument testifying to the goodness and faithfulness of God to our lives.

My vision for my home is that it would be filled with love, laughter and joy. A space where learning is not only expected, but inwardly pursued, cherished, and evolving as we all change and grow. A place of cultivation rings strong in my heart. The tiling, preparing, and nurture of the souls that live under my roof is a humbling magnificent job that I know I am called to. May God give me the grace and capacity to carry this for my boys.

A place to be. To know without a doubt that they belong, and that daddy and I are committed to their becoming. What holy work!

My boys are currently 5, 3 and 1 and most days, in the chaos and busyness of caring for very young children, this ideal can feel very far away- like an unrealistic and impossible dream. However it echoes so loudly in my heart and I just cannot ignore it. Living with my children and being with them each day is quite an intimate reality to live.

We eat together, rest together, learn together, play, adventure and pray together each and everyday. We frustrate one another, quarrel, love and forgive. It’s all encompassing. A whole life. One that I am incredibly grateful for. I hope to revisit this post in a few years time to reflect on how my thoughts and desires have evolved.

Through [skillful and godly] wisdom a house [a life, a home, a family] is built, And by understanding it is established [on a sound and good foundation], And by knowledge its rooms are filled With all precious and pleasant riches. Proverbs 24:3-4 (AMP)