Tag: Family life

Hey mama,

I hope you are doing well?

Have you ever felt like your days are spiraling at the speed of light and it’s hard to place your feet on the ground and just breathe?

Most days, I feel this exact way. Really in the thick of it as a young mother with 3 young children. Sometimes, everything is up in the air and I can’t get a grasp on anything- all the while feeling so exhausted from the sheer pace of it all.

I feel like I am in a tornado, yet in the midst of this, what do I do? Of course to get in inspiration (and let’s be honest to escape my own life for a moment and be nosey) I hop onto social media to take a peek at the mothers who appear to be doing so well in work, family life, home life and personal interests- further making me feel defeated as I struggle to keep my eyes open and motivation up to play yet another game with my boys in the day.

Can you relate?

It can be a daily battle to feel and believe that we are building balance and abundance when all the busyness and tiredness merges into one.

Yet my passion and belief is that we can all thrive in motherhood and home/family life if we keep working at it.

In today’s post, I want to talk about balancing family demands and responsibilities, while cultivating our personal lives. Balancing family and personal life is a challenge that many of us face as we expand and grow, but it isn’t impossible to cultivate a life that reflects all of our values, beliefs and desires. With prayer, wisdom, and a lot of intentional effort, it is possible to achieve a harmonious balance and consistency in this area of our lives.

Here are some guiding principles that help me greatly and I hope they’ll be an encouragement to you too. At the end of each point, I’ll suggest an action which I hope will help you to start thinking about ways that you can add more balance to your own life.

Decide what is important to you and your family

I’d begin by looking at your overall family and personal WHY. Knowing what is important to you personally, and to your family is the first step to identifying where you want to put your energy and resources. In the beautiful confetti flying chaos of raising a family, it is easy to lose sight of the bigger picture that supports and knits your dreams and ideals together with your current reality. Managing multiple daily commitments, activities, social events, plans and relationships under one household can be an extremely demanding and overwhelming responsibility.

In the midst of all the hustle and bustle of moving from room to room, and in and out of the front door, it can honestly feel like we are living in a whirlwind with no idea where everyone will eventually land. Having a family mission and regularly reviewing it, has helped to give our days purpose and helped to structure out what those days will look like. It doesn’t always flow perfectly, but it gives us a blueprint to follow and come back to during the busy and overwhelming days. It also sets as a powerful mirror that reflects back to us where we are spending our time, money and energy.

Once you have decided on what is important to you and WHY, you can build in actionable steps taking into account that season of life that you are currently living in. Having a mutual understanding with your husband about this foundational area of your lives helps you to eliminate the things that don’t serve you, and get excited about the things that do!

Action: Purchase your family mission statement today and start thinking and working through the key areas of your life that you want to build up.

Seek God first

The foundation of balance in life for us as Christians begins with our relationship with God. Matthew 6:33 reminds us to “seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” I’ve found that when we look at life from a biblical worldview, i.e. asking “how does this first serve God and bring Him glory?” It helps to clarify and eliminate options that don’t serve this goal.

Seeking God first is the cornerstone of balancing family and personal life and this is not just for the social activities that we engage in, but for the way in which we guide, teach and nurture our children. When we have children and they start growing up, the clubs and extra- curricular activities become the thing that drain a lot of parents time and energy. We want our children to have the best chance at everything, and we are so passionate about exposing them to all the possibilities that this world has to offer. However, sometimes this can work against the family harmony, finances and balance.

By prioritising time with God through prayer, reading the Bible, and worship, we gain the wisdom and perspective that helps us to set the right priorities based on the season that we are in. We are reminded of what the first thing is, and we are reassured that God sees us and our household. He loves us, He will help our children to grow and thrive, and we do not need to go into overdrive in the quest of keeping them occupied. The Lord tenderly reminds us that He is all that we need to make our family feel loved and supported while, also attending to our personal needs, desires and prayer points.

When we seek God first, we are reminded of His peace and grace, which allows us to cultivate a sense of gratitude and contentment, even amidst the busyness of motherhood. It encourages us to be more present with our children and spouse, recognising the value in each one of them, and in the moment. Ultimately, placing God at the center helps us create a balanced, joyful, and fulfilling life that reflects His love and purpose, and this makes us more focused, and better equipped to handle the specific responsibilities, challenges and blessings that come with our unique family life.

Action: Set some time aside early in the morning or late at night to journal, and pray, asking God to help you seek Him first in your family life. What is unique to your family situation in this season that needs your time, energy and resources? We don’t need to do all the things that others are doing if it doesn’t flow well for us right now.

Discuss, and prioritise your roles

I remember feeling very frustrated and limited in my role as a mother because I couldn’t move about as freely as my husband. Typically, he picks himself up and he goes wherever he has to go, and does whatever he needs to do without an entourage. Simple tasks like getting into the car, popping the supermarket, going to the post office, working without interruptions are all easy for him because he doesn’t have to consider carrying the kids around with him. That part is covered by me.

I take on that weight and on some days I just feel so tired of it all lol. The constant talking sends me over the edge and I miss the days when I could just drive in peace and run quick errands. Yet when I think of it from a biblical perspective, and from the perspective of mother, I am encouraged to remember that my children are a blessing, and they like to spend time with me. I think about what the role of mother entails and it helps me to open my heart to appreciate, love and slow down as I navigate the day with my children.

Understanding the various roles that God has entrusted to us is key. Wife, mother, daughter, friend, and individual are but a few of the roles that most of us are privileged to experience. Understanding my role as a woman, as defined by biblical principles, profoundly helps me balance my family and personal life. As a Christian mum, embracing my God-given identity and purpose brings clarity and direction when I know what the Bible says about my role.

Recognising that I am called to be a helper, nurturer, and a source of strength within my home allows me to prioritise my family’s needs while also valuing my personal growth and well-being. Slowing down to love, correct and enjoy my children blesses and comforts a part of me, of which I am so grateful to experience. There are several times when I do need moments to myself and understanding this helps me establish healthy boundaries, ensuring I don’t lose myself in the responsibility of daily life.

It reminds me to seek God’s wisdom and strength in fulfilling my duties, whether it’s through nurturing my children, supporting my husband, or cultivating my personal talents and interests. Knowing that God doesn’t want us to fail is so encouraging. Within embracing our roles, we can find joy and fulfillment in serving our families and pursuing our passions, creating a balance that honours God and enriches our lives. This balance is not about perfection but about faithfulness and grace, knowing that through Christ, we can manage and enjoy our responsibilities.

Additionally, understanding our various roles helps us to appreciate the unique qualities God has instilled in us as a women, such as empathy, intuition, and compassion. These traits enable us to connect deeply with our families and communities, building strong relationships. Embracing our role also means acknowledging our worth and the importance of self-care, which is essential for maintaining the energy and joy needed to serve our family effectively.

Action: take some time to reflect on the various roles that you play, and what you do in each of them. Just look at how much God has put in and around you! You are blessed! Next, if there are some areas that are causing stress or anxiety speak to your spouse about it to see if you can either change the dynamic, or get some support in that area.

Plan and prepare days or moments for yourself

This point is important and very practical. Grab a calendar and jot down all the things that a month entails- outings, work, celebrations etc. Planning days or moments for yourself as a mother is important for the below reasons:

1. Self-Care: Taking time for yourself allows you to recharge and maintain your physical and mental health. Parenting is demanding, and without regular self-care, you risk burnout, stress, and even health issues. Self care is different for everyone. Identify a few things that encourage you to feel like you are thriving and work on actioning them in baby steps. You’ll feel so revitalised and it’ll set a reminder to your brain that you don’t need to be forgotten in the midst of it all.
2. Role Modeling: By prioritising your moments, you demonstrate to your children the importance of balancing responsibilities and personal well-being. I believe that it is important to teach them this in a healthy way as it is part of a life lesson. They learn that God created mummy to love and raise us, but she is also a person who needs God’s love, help and strength. This teaches them valuable life skills about self-worth and healthy habits.
3. Maintaining Identity: It’s easy to lose your sense of self when focusing solely on your family. Planning personal time can help you stay connected to your interests, hobbies, and passions, maintaining your individual identity beyond motherhood. I don’t see this as a negative thing at all. When we connect naturally with the things that we personally enjoy outside of our children, we get to bring them into our world as they witness a different side to us and it’s beautiful. When you take care of yourself, you’re better equipped to take care of your family. A well-rested, happy, and healthy mother can provide more effective, patient, and loving care to her children.
4. Stress Management: Scheduled personal time can help manage stress by providing regular breaks and opportunities to decompress. This is certainly true for me when I go on my regular walks or runs. Simply being outdoors helps to diffuse my thoughts and gain fresh perspective on things.
5. Enhanced Relationships: Every so often, time away from our daily routines can improve relationships within the family. It gives space for appreciation to grow which leads to more meaningful interactions when we are with our families.
6. Personal Growth: We are always learning, and can take time out to learn new things as mothers. It enriches us and helps us to build community. By taking some time out to build this area of our lives over time provides opportunities for personal development. Whether learning new skills, pursuing education, or engaging in self-reflection, personal time is crucial for our growth.
7. Mental Health: Regular breaks and personal time are vital for maintaining good mental health. They provide opportunities to process emotions, reduce anxiety, and improve overall mental well-being. I have found that journaling and prayer in these moments have been a real blessing.

Action: Have a look through your family calendar and see where you can slot in an afternoon, a morning, and hour or two for yourself and set it in there as an important activity that you agree on with your husband.

Communicate with Love

It can be hard sometimes to communicate to your husband that you need more assistance in an area, or that you need him and the kids to pick up a particular responsibility, but open and loving communication with our family is essential. Setting some time aside to speak with our husbands and share our needs in an encouraging way helps us to feel heard and valued in family life. This is important because as mum’s we are an integral part of our family unit, and so it’s healthy for us to practice exercising our voice when it comes to the area of communication.

Some areas where I have had to learn to communicate clearly and lovingly are:

1. Delegation and Collaboration: Encouraging the whole family to be involved in household tasks is something that I am trying to be so consistent in because it is a genuine help to me as much as it is training for them. Often, I can do it and much quicker, however it doesn’t always help to ease my load so we work hard to encourage team effort, teaching our children the value of teamwork and responsibility. This not only lightens your load but also strengthens family bonds.
2. Learning to say no: It’s okay to say no to additional commitments that do not align with your priorities. It’s not always easy, but we have to be sensitive the times, seasons and moments of our lives and decide accordingly. Seeking discernment through prayer to know when to say yes and when to say no is so liberating because we realise that we are in control of our schedules and the rhythm of our days. If balance is something that we are trying to build, all things need to align to that goal.
3. Rely on community: Another point that isn’t always logistically easy for a lot of us. We are not meant to walk on this journey alone, and we can lean on others for support. Galatians 6:2 encourages us to “carry each other’s burdens.” Don’t hesitate to seek help from friends, mentors, or church family. It is a great encouragement to the heart, and in some cases can come at just the time when you need to be refreshed.

Action: Are there any of these points that you can start on?

Balancing family and personal life is an ongoing journey! It requires wisdom, patience, and grace. By seeking God’s guidance and applying these principles, I hope you can find a fulfilling balance that honours Him and enriches you and your family’s life.

Speak to you soon and here’s to thriving in this beautiful season that we are in.

Alethea x-o