Raising confident and resilient boys in today’s world is challenging, unpredictable, full of constant adjustments, chaotic, downright exhausting, deeply fulfilling, messy and full of lots of teaching moments. As a homeschooling mum to three boys who are still babies to me (6,4 and 2 years) I am slowly learning that raising strong, capable young boys into men has become one of our aims. This isn’t about giving them an ego boost or bubble-wrapping them from failure, but about teaching them how to handle themselves when life’s inevitable bumps occur, and to deal with imperfections and bruises with grace, grit, and from a strong foundation in Christ.

Perseverance

One of the first and constant lessons that we are currently working on, is that failure and imperfection isn’t the enemy. When they get answers wrong, make a mistake or do something imperfectly, their natural response is to shut down, give up or walk away in tears because of the feelings of frustration and disappointment. In our home, my husband and I are consistent in pushing back against this and communicating to them that we celebrate mistakes (sometimes with a little treat) because they are an opportunity for us to learn and grow stronger.

When my first born son struggles with a concept during our learning time, or he colours out of the line during art time, we respond with enthusiasm because we have a chance to try again, and sometimes that is what life gives us- a chance to try again. We encourage him to know that it is ok to feel what he is feeling, but that he should never quit on himself. Resilience isn’t about never falling down; it’s about getting back up, dusting off the sawdust, and trusting that God will guide and strengthen us as we try again.

Confidence, too, is something that we are nurturing. As our boys are very young, we offer this through constant praise the majority of the time because I recognise that our hearts need to know that we are seen by those closest to us, and as their mama, it is my joy to let them know that I see them, love them, celebrate and affirm them.

There are moments when we explain that as they grow, their confidence wont come from constant praise but from real accomplishments and faith in God’s plan. So we do occasionally let them struggle and push through math problems, writing that tricky word for what feels like the hundredth time, and learning how to work together to serve one another during meal times (putting cutlery out, and setting the table). When they achieve something after working for it, the confidence sticks because they know they earned it through perseverance and God’s strength.

Service unto each other and strangers

My boys are very visual, and I quickly learnt that in order to capture their attention and imagination, it would be very helpful to give them a vision of the kind of boy and man that God is helping them to become day by day.

We usually say something along the lines of:

“God has created you for a purpose, and no challenge is too big when you walk in His strength. Keep trusting Him, keep learning, and keep growing into the man He is shaping you to be.“

“You are a warrior for Christ, and true strength comes from faith, kindness, and perseverance. No matter what happens, remember that God is always with you, guiding your steps.”

“When you do hard things, God is helping you grow stronger and stronger”.

We are all naturally self centered, and children demonstrate that to the highest degree because they are children(!), have constant legitimate needs and are under developed in their understanding, maturity and expression of their needs.

Another one of the areas that I am working on when it comes to raising resilient sons is teaching them to serve each other and other people. Serving each other doesn’t always feel pleasant because they bicker, fight and compete against one another, but by learning the discipline of service to one another, they fulfill a really important goal of our family which is to love and work together as one in our home.

When they understand that their strength, and their faculties (hands, feet, eyes, speech) are meant to be used for God’s glory it gives them an external motivation. So gentle reminders are given when we are at home and out in public to help them think outside of themselves and to see the world and people around them—whether that means helping to open the door for someone or comforting a friend who’s has been hurt— it’s all to help them develop a deep, quiet confidence that isn’t rooted in arrogance, but in purpose. Plus, let’s be honest, there’s nothing quite as humbling as helping to clean up after your brother or others! Jesus Himself taught us that true leadership comes through service, and I want my boys to follow His example, and understand the inner strength it takes to think of others.

It’s OK to cry

We are at a stage in life with our boys where crying is the resounding sound in our home, so let’s talk about emotions for a second. We are balancing the importance of them talking with us when they are upset over screaming and shouting. Simultaneously we acknowledge that being strong doesn’t mean stuffing down their feelings and pretending that they are ok when they aren’t.

Boys also need space to express frustration, sadness, and even joy without being told to “be strong.” In our home, we encourage each other to talk things through—sometimes by removing them from a tense environment because resilience isn’t about hiding emotions but trying our best to handle them in a Christ-centered way. Praying together, reading God’s Word, and seeking His wisdom helps us all to process our emotions in a way that strengthens our faith and character.

Role Models

Positive role models also play a crucial role in building resilience. Boys need to see strong, faith-filled men who exemplify integrity, perseverance, and humility. Whether it’s their father, a pastor, a coach, or a trusted mentor, having godly role models shows them what it means to live with strength and grace under pressure. When they see men who turn to God in times of struggle, who admit their mistakes, and who stand firm in their beliefs, they learn to do the same. Surrounding them with wise, godly counsel reinforces the values we teach at home and gives them examples to emulate as they grow. As they are young, we have begun that journey for them through stories and books, as well as spending quality time with daddy.

Series and books that they enjoy are Bibleman, Veggie Tales, Emmanuel’s Dream: The True Story of Emmanuel Ofosu Yeboah, Ten Boys Who Made a Difference (Lightkeepers) and much more.

Proverbs 22:6 reminds us to “train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” At the end of the day, our goal isn’t to raise tough guys; it’s to raise kind, courageous, and faithful men who will stand firm in a shaky world. With a lot of prayer, patience, and probably a lot more mistakes, I trust that God will shape them into exactly who He created them to be, and we look forward to celebrating the good fruit that comes from their lives!