Musings of a 30 something year old Christian mother with 3 boys.
One of the most suffocating and overwhelming feelings, is the one of feeling completely lost and unsure about the journey of entering and experiencing motherhood. In this post I’ll be sharing some personal thoughts, heart and experience.
A high achiever
I’ve always been a high achiever and producer, fully buying into the culture’s message that I can be anything and do anything. While that may be true in a wider context, it isn’t so much when you bring it down to a more micro level. I chased hard after the title of 1st place on the podium and achieved it multiple times. I had my dreams of what success would look and feel like and pursued it with all the time that I had as a single woman.
While I built up that area of my life however, I didn’t give enough time, thought, planning and nurture to the other part of my life that I desired which was marriage and motherhood. Sure, it was there as part of my overall plan, however it didn’t occur to me to devote much preparation of my heart, finances and life plans to it straight away. I naively thought that I’d have children and neatly fold them into the plans that I had going on and keep it moving.
Society’s message to us
Modern society fails to encourage and prepare women for the realities of motherhood, and this further intensifies what will already be a new and challenging role to exist in. We live in a world that frequently emphasises career achievements and personal independence and the sacrificial and demanding nature of motherhood is often times undervalued and overlooked. In addition to that, I think that because we live in a culture the heavily pushes one message, it naturally filters through into our homes, and the expectation is that when you finish school, you’ll go and get a job and start earning.
While there is nothing wrong with this, I do believe that it is important for women to talk about and begin to plan how they’ll weave in work with family life when the time comes. Never in my mind or heart did I perceive that it would be an all consuming, life changing event that would completely shift the course that I was on and challenge my character, faith, values and heart. I had an aggressive edge to me that I can now admit was a lower view of marriage and motherhood. Not that it wasn’t important, but it just wasn’t the priority. My value, identity and reward was found in the applause that I received from the marketplace; the plaques, certificates and trophies from strangers.
Yet there was a tug toward motherhood which I believe God gives us. What grace. It’s a natural wiring for (the majority) of women to desire to have children but because I had devoted so much of my time and energy in the other direction, I felt completely alien to this new world of motherhood. I remember the joy of finding out that I was expectant with my first born son, and also the complete terror that plagued me at the thought of entering into the complete unknown. A place where I for once would not have full control. My anxiety went into overdrive.
What is our value tied to?
Our value is tied up in the external things that we achieve, and the inward validation is like the strongest dopamine hit running through our veins. It feels unthinkable to lay that aside to enter into a completely new experience and embrace all that comes with it in motherhood (which is mostly unseen, and “in the trenches” work). For me, I struggled with the genuine disappointment of having wasted time and money getting a degree that I didn’t fully get to use because I was now a mother. I wanted a “big” life, which when I think about it now, was one driven heavily by consumerism and the ability to spend on whatever I wanted.
I thought about the sacrifice of motherhood, but I didn’t reflect on the depth of love that it would require of me, and how that love would call me up, and challenge me to redefine my measures of success and fulfillment. It has honestly been a tug of war in this area, and yet as I exert my energy to pull on my part, I am also becoming undone in my heart. I am being refined.
Motherhood, while a divine calling and a tremendous blessing, can often leave us feeling lost and overwhelmed. From a Christian perspective, this sense of being lost can stem from the immense pressure to fulfill the roles of caregiver, nurturer, and spiritual guide all at once. The Bible calls mothers to “train up a child in the way he should go” (Proverbs 22:6), which can sometimes feel like a daunting and never-ending task.
In the pursuit of meeting every physical, emotional, and spiritual need of our children, we can find themselves grappling with feelings of inadequacy and exhaustion. The constant demands makes it hard to find time for personal reflection and spiritual renewal, leading to a sense of disconnection from our own identities and from God.
A hope
Feeling lost in motherhood is very common, and if you clicked on this post, I want you to know that you aren’t alone. It is a journey that we are on, and if we truly let it, it’ll refine us into the best version of ourselves. That was the driving factor for me creating Graced For Home and sharing a little more about how I left the corporate world to be a stay at home mum in this season of my life. It’s also the reason I created the Homemakers Framework to encourage all mothers to begin to think about the home, own their presence their and see the beauty that can be found in building a life from there.
Take heart and find solace in the profound truth that you are not alone, and your efforts are deeply valued. In the midst of exhaustion and doubt, remember that God’s grace is always sufficient. As 2 Corinthians 12:9 reassures us, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Your imperfections and struggles do not diminish your worth or your ability to be a wonderful mother; rather, they highlight your reliance on God’s strength and wisdom.
Embrace the supportive community around you, both within your faith and beyond. Lean on fellow mothers, friends, and family for encouragement, practical help, and shared experiences. Remember that God has uniquely equipped you for this role and that your love and dedication are shaping your children’s lives in ways you may not always see. In the moments of quiet reflection, seek God’s guidance and find peace in His presence. You are fulfilling a sacred calling, and with each step, you are making a significant impact. Your love, patience, and perseverance are reflections of God’s love for your children, and in Him, you can find the strength to continue this beautiful journey.
Here are some posts to help on the practical side of things:
How do I balance personal and family life?
5 ways to be productive at home
How to create a fun learning environment for your children
Be in touch soon,
Alethea
gracedforhome.com 