It’s so easy to be hyper focused on our children’s academic success that we miss nurturing the person within that God has created them to be. One morning as we made our way to the library I watched my two boys scooting in front of me and I thought WOW. Look at them. Have you ever had that moment too mama?

When you just stop in your tracks and look at your children and become overwhelmed at the gift of who they are. You look at their faces, watch them play or focused on an activity and suddenly you are seeing them in 5-10 years time and wonder what they will look like and how they’ll be? It’s an overwhelmingly beautiful moment! A true wonder.

Most days though, my mind forgets this as I am hyper focused on helping them to master their penmanship skills, phonics and maths (I talk more about identifying their learning styles in another post). In those moments, character isn’t so much at the forefront of my mind as them getting their work correct is.

Yet imagine if we focused on nurturing their character first, knowing that if we master that, we’ll also nail their relationship with learning and ultimately academic success.

I know, I know; the thought of not having the pursuit of academics at the forefront of their learning experience is enough to send a chill down our backs. I for sure know that it feels scary not focusing on academics first because a huge part of me feels insecure about them not mastering the academic side of learning from an early age! Academics also came very naturally to me, so it has always been my default when I think about their learning experience.

However my boys have taught me that for them at this stage and age, academics first would actually crush their spirits and dampen the relationship that I am working on building with them. I see that one of my sons comes alive when learning is made very practical for him and it doesn’t feel like “learning”. He is very much a kinesthetic learner and he started to open my eyes to the possibility of adapting my approach and view of what learning looks like.

Character First

Nevertheless, character first seems to be signaling so brightly to me. When we build on the character first, the academic success is not only enhanced, but their view and approach to life is enhanced too.

There are some moments when I have been really frustrated when trying to encourage my first born son to learn a particular concept. I am hitting a brick wall while he is having a meltdown! When he works on his craft projects- which he absolutely loves to do, he always starts crying and throwing his items on the floor in frustration when he gets stuck on a particular thing. One day, I realised that instead of becoming frustrated with him, while I watched him struggle to manage his emotions, I needed to spend some time teaching him about perseverance. I need to train this character trait in him.

On another day, I was finding it difficult to maintain a sense of order while I worked with my 2nd born because he kept on forcing his way and talking over me while I tried to explain something. The constant interruptions made it difficult for me to flow well, and I was very frustrated. That day also made me realise that I need to nurture the character trait of self control, empathy and respect within his heart.

I realise that my attempt to train character has a bigger reach. Working on their hearts is key because when we master that, this strength in character flows well to affect other areas of their lives- not just academics. From helping with chores, being together as a family as well as working well with their formal learning, the blessing is far reaching.

Nurturing character is effectively training the heart. It is the hardest job to do and requires consistency with instruction and practice. Good character doesn’t come easily or naturally to us because responding as our raw emotions lead us to is powerful. Our children have the potential of the muscle hidden within, and as mothers it is our job to help them exercise this muscle little by little to build strength, trusting that the practice of this training will bear fruit in their lives over time.

What Character traits are useful?

Character development plays a crucial role in helping our children build academic success in several ways:

1. Responsibility and accountability:
   • When our children develop a sense of responsibility, they are more likely to complete their work well, and take ownership of their learning experience. When we give them a vision that they have a part to play in filling their minds with good, beautiful and wonderful things, it fosters a sense of responsibility in this area.
2. Perseverance and resilience:
   • Character traits like perseverance and resilience help our children navigate academic challenges and setbacks. Instead of giving up when they get stuck on something, they learn to keep trying and never give up, which is essential for mastering difficult subjects and overcoming obstacles in life. We have to be there to keep encouraging them to get back up, and sowing the seeds into their hearts to persevere until they reach a solution. I am often so tempted to step in when they get stuck, but I have to also train myself to hold off for a little while so they can build a little muscle in this area. I’ll be doing them a disservice if I am constantly running to their rescue.
3. Self-Discipline and time management:
   • Self-discipline helps our children to focus on their studies, avoid distractions, and prioritise their tasks effectively over time. I am always encouraging the boys toward good time management when we need to leave the house so they’ll be aware that efficiency in this area is important. Picking up after themselves, keeping their work area reasonably organised, focusing on one task at a time are some of the ways that I also help build personal discipline within their hearts.
4. Integrity and honesty:
   • Integrity ensures that our children engage in honest academic practices, such as not cheating on exams or taking short cuts to do their work. It’s so easy to do, especially whey they lose interest and want to do something else, or want to rush through quickly.
5. Empathy and collaboration:
   • Developing empathy helps our children to work well with their teachers, creating a positive learning environment. Collaborative skills are crucial for group projects and cooperative learning activities, and encouraging them in this area is so important as they need to have respect for others as much as they do with wanting their voice to be heard. Respect is a big thing in our household of boys who have big personalities. Everyone wants to be first, and have their own way but life doesn’t work that way, so we need to teach them about the importance of working with others when it is needed.
6. Confidence and self-esteem:
   • Strong character builds confidence and self-esteem, and while encouraging empathy, we can also encourage our children to participate actively and at appropriate times by asking questions, and seeking help when needed rather than internalising their frustration with their work. One of the moments that helps us to build this character trait is during devotion time where we encourage questions, throughout.
7. Curiosity and Love of Learning:
   • Character traits such as curiosity and a love of learning inspire our children to explore subjects deeply and engage with the material beyond their classroom. This is the area that we don’t want to die because we want them to se the beauty in being life long learners. We don’t want the flame to be snuffed out because of rigid routines and expectations.

Strategies to help you instill strong character traits in your child

Teaching our children character involves intentional actions and consistent modelling of positive behaviours, as well as prayer over their lives. Remembering to give them a vision of who God is calling them to be and what the Bible encourages them to be sows a spiritual seed beyond our own voices.

Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from it.

Proverbs 22:6

Here are a few ideas to encourage you in building character in your children:

1. Model positive behaviour:
   • Starting with one of the hardest ones and pointing the spotlight on ourselves! Children learn by observing their parents and caregivers. So it’s important that we demonstrate the character traits we want to instill, such as honesty, kindness, patience, and responsibility. I am so convicted by this lol! If I want my boys to be kind to others, it would be great if they first saw me modelling this to a loved one or stranger. What is caught tends to stick. Be consistent in your actions and words.
2. Set clear expectations and boundaries:
   • Establishing clear rules and expectations for behaviour is so important. With multiple children, this encouragement is so key because they feed off each other. Explain the importance of your house rules and the values behind them. We have an “Awuku” mantra that the boys say most days and have memorised. When someone misbehaves or mistreats another, we remind them of the expectations. Consistent enforcement helps our children understand the boundaries and the reasons for them.
3. Encourage responsibility:
   • Give your child age-appropriate tasks and responsibilities at home. This can include chores, managing their homework, or caring for their younger sibling. Responsibility teaches accountability and the value of contributing to the family which is so important. Responsibility is something that is dear to my heart in raising my boys because they lean towards being lazy and expecting everything to be done for them. Absolutely not lol! I am busting that myth. They need to know that they are part of a group, and it is only through responsible work that things get done.
4. Teach empathy and compassion:
   • Encourage your child to consider others’ feelings and perspectives. Use teachable moments, such as discussing a story where someone is treated unfairly to talk about empathy and kindness. I find that picking books around a topic like this is so helpful because it fires their imaginations. We all love a story- especially a life giving story that inspires us to rise up to be a better version of ourselves. When you see your child demonstrating empathy and compassion, give it a gently recognition, as this helps validate their positive action and they’ll want to keep doing it.
5. Promote honesty and integrity:
   • Foster a culture of honesty by encouraging your child to speak the truth and by being honest yourself. Praise them when they tell the truth, even in difficult situations. Discuss the importance of integrity and the consequences of dishonesty through stories and vivid illustrations because again this gives a vision that sticks in their hearts. While they are young, constant sowing and watering of he honesty and integrity seed is so important as when they grow and encounter many things, we hope that they’ll remain open with us.
6. Encourage perseverance and resilience:
   • Teach your child to face challenges and setbacks with a positive attitude. It is certainly an area where we have to persevere ourselves! We have to keep encouraging them to keep trying, even when things are difficult. It can be anything from making their bed, trying up their shoe laces correctly, putting their clothes on, writing their name, washing their hands after using the toilet, picking up their toys and putting them in the right place. We are there to encourage them towards doing things well and seeing it through to the end. Here, you can again share stories (even from your own life) of perseverance and discuss the importance of not giving up.
7. Teach gratitude:
   • Cultivate an attitude of gratitude by encouraging your child to express thanks for what they have and for the people in their lives. Prayer helps with this, as well as having conversations about God and His mercies. Some may like to practice gratitude together as a family by keeping gratitude journals or sharing things that you are thankful for each day. Training them to know what to be thankful for (such as people, provision etc) is important because it helps them to know where to direct deeper thoughts that goes beyond their toys.
8. Promote fairness and justice:
   • As much as our children love each other, they also fight ALOT because each wants their own needs met all the time. Teaching them to play fair, share, and treat others with respect is a daily work on our part because their flesh dictates so strongly. How can we do this? Talk about a situation where someone was treated unfairly. This could be from a news story, a book, or a personal experience. Discuss why it was unfair and what could have been done differently to make it just.
   • Use toys and playtime to teach sharing. If one child is using a toy, explain that they need to let others have a turn after a reasonable amount of time. Praise them when they share willingly.
   • Set up role-playing scenarios where children can practice resolving conflicts fairly. For instance, one child pretends to be upset because they were left out of a game, and the other must find a fair solution.
   • Encourage your child to think about how their actions affect others. If they are unkind or unfair, ask them how they would feel if the situation were reversed. This helps them understand the impact of their behavior on others.
9. Engage in hospitality and your community:
   • It is good for our children to see love for others in action and that looks different in all our homes. By involving them in our acts of service and hospitality helps to reinforce the idea that there is a world that exists outside of their own and encourages compassion and thoughtfulness towards others. Involve your child in local community service or volunteer activities. This helps to provide practical opportunities to practice and observe positive character traits in others which will also encourage them in a great way.

So there we go mama. I hope you’ll see by this post just how deep and far and broad character nurture goes, and I have only touched on a few areas. Nurturing character in our children while fostering academic success is a delicate but achievable balance that yields lifelong benefits. By modelling positive behaviour, encouraging empathy, and creating an environment where values like responsibility, honesty, and kindness are practiced daily, we lay a strong foundation for both personal growth and academic achievement over time.

Integrating character-building activities into our routines and using everyday moments as teaching opportunities will help our children develop into well-rounded individuals. Remember, the goal is not perfection but progress. With patience, consistency, and a focus on personal and spiritual development, we can support our children in becoming successful in whatever they put their mind and hearts to.

I’ve created some beautiful printables to help our children build character. These printables are available in the shop and will encourage conversations and serve as great reminders!

I’d love to hear from you! What are you implementing in your home to encourage character in your children?

Alethea